April 1, 2016
The Melancholy Times, a daily newspaper created for Wayne LaPierre, ceases publication
by Editorial Staff at The Melancholy Times
Reader, it pains me to tell you that, as of Tuesday, March 29th, the Melancholy Times has officially ceased publication. Inspired by Peter Manseau’s brilliant and harrowing new book, Melancholy Accidents, and through blisters, tears, and marketing meetings, the editorial staff at Melancholy HQ brought the horrifying daily to our loyal subscriber base, Mr. Wayne LaPierre of the National Rifle Association (NRA), every weekday for, like, a whole month.
For the duration of the Melancholy Times’ short life, every edition of our daily dispatch of historical accidental gun-deaths was delivered directly to Mr. LaPierre’s inbox —and for that, I think, we can be proud … but mostly sad.
Despite the accolades, I think we’d agree that the paper took a lot out of us. During the course of its publication, we eagerly awaited word from Mr. LaPierre that he was, in fact, taking advantage of his free subscription. Alas, we would not receive that assurance. It was not easy. “We were shooting into the abyss of American history,” one editor remarked, “and it shot back.”
And, in light of this closure, that shot stings—because there is still work to be done.
But our collective pain pales compared to the subjects of any of the issues of the Melancholy Times that was delivered directly to Mr. Wayne LaPierre of the NRA. The closure is less painful than that time in 1877 (as reported by the Melancholy Times on March 22nd of this year), Mr. Bright Hill, a respectable farmer, was killed instantly after being accidentally shot in the face. Or that time in 1847 when a man mistook his wife for an intruder and shot her, only to realize the terror of his deed upon discovering her missing from bed.
That man lost more sleep than the entire editorial staff of the Melancholy Times, and surely more than the paper’s entire subscriber list, Mr. Wayne LaPierre of the NRA.
Farewell, Melancholy Times. Truly, it’s been melancholy.
The archives of the Melancholy Times can be found in Melancholy Accidents by Peter Manseau, available now. You can buy your copy here, at your neighborhood independent bookstore, at Barnes & Noble, or at Amazon.
We encourage you to send our subscriber, Mr. Wayne LaPierre of the NRA, many copies, for he lost a good paper this week.