November 1, 2012

Sonny Mehta acquires lucrative new titles while trapped by Hurricane Sandy

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The Random House offices remained largely inaccessible again Wednesday and those employees who were able to make it in to the office around treacherous bridges and Donald Trump‘s least-favorite crane arrived to a scene of mayhem.

While the building itself escaped hurricane Sandy largely unscathed, it seems Sonny Mehta was locked within the midtown building during the entirety of the storm. The revered publisher and editor in chief of Alfred A. Knopf remains largely unresponsive after his ordeal. While a timeline of events in the office is as yet unclear, the updated Knopf list of titles for Fall/Winter 2013 would seem to provide some clues. Among the books readers can look forward to are:

Where are My Keys: The Harrowing True Life Tale of One Man’s Bravery in the Face of Disaster

Who Turned Out the Goddamned Lights: Why Sometimes Firing Your Entire Staff is Justified

Groping Your Way Toward the Bathroom: Life Lessons from a Man Who Is Not Afraid of the Dark, I’m Not, I’m Not

Holy Shit What Was That Noise: The Fetal Position and Other Tips for Success in Modern Business

No Power? No Cell Service? No Problem!: Acceptance as Your Path to Happiness

I Change My Mind This is Kind of a Problem: Howling Expletives into an Empty Room as Your Path to Happiness

The Rumbly Tumbly Adventures of Stapley the Stapler and Her Friend, Mrs. Paperweight

Office Cookery: Twelve Easy Recipes for Delicious and Nutritious Dishes Made with Only the Contents of Your Assistant’s Desk

 Bargaining with God: Fifteen Ruthless Tactics to Help You Come Out on Top

Forsaken by God: All Powerful My Ass, Apparently Some Scotch is Too Much to Ask Now?

Stapley the Stapler and the Scary Mean Wind Storm That Just Doesn’t Respect a Man’s Hard Earned Authority Do You Know Who I Am? Do You? DO YOU?

All together Mehta is rumored to have spent $84 million acquiring rights to the books, and as of press time has grossed three times that amount in pre-order sales, due in part to news that Daniel Day-Lewis will be playing the role of Mrs. Paperweight in a Spielberg-directed adaptation of one title.

 

 

Dustin Kurtz is former marketing manager of Melville House.

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