April 29, 2016
Shakespeare v. Bieber: Who has the best lines?
by Nikki Griffiths
You know that chap, what’s his name… William Shakespeare?
Died 400 years ago this year? Ringing any bells…?
Well, apparently, according to a survey commissioned by Deezer, as reported in the Independent, only 38% questioned recognized famous quotes, including “To be or not to be” as being written by the Bard.
But would you Belieb it, 43% recognized lyrics from that famous wordsmith Justin Bieber, whose classic lines include “Baby, baby, baby, oooh” and “Is it too late now to say sorry? Cause I’m missing more than just your body, oh.”
If you too are dismayed by this disgraceful lack of knowledge displayed by our fellow kinsman, what better way to express one’s distaste than by borrowing Shakespeare’s best insults, which might we add are much more imaginative than today’s mundane expletives. Pick your favourite from the below and use today!
- “Villain, I have done thy mother.” (Titus Andronicus)
Could Shakespeare really have invented ‘your mum’ jokes? Let’s choose to believe so.
- “Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” (Henry IV Part I)
For when one insult just isn’t enough.
- “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.” (Henry V)
Luxurious goats are my favourite.
- “A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are toss’d with.” (Henry IV)
Nothing like insulting someone’s spleen to cause real upset.
- “Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.” (King Lear)
- “You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm and cloudiness.” (Much Ado About Nothing)
Almost as insulting as telling someone to ‘smile!’
- “Out of my sight! thou dost infect my eyes.” (Richard III)
Simply a classic.
- “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.” (All’s Well That Ends Well)
What a guy!
- “No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe, I could find out countries in her.” (The Comedy of Errors)
Well, we can’t all be super models.
- “Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.” (All’s Well That Ends Well)
- “You, minion, are too saucy.” (The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
Ketchup or brown?
- “I do desire that we may be better strangers.” (As You Like It)
An excellent way of telling someone to take a hike.
Which would you choose to hurl at Bieber?
Discover many more courtesy of The Independent, The Telegraph and Shortlist.
Nikki Griffiths is the managing director of Melville House UK.