April 24, 2017

“He took my leg — I don’t intend to give him my ass.”


Hello hello hello. Would you like / did you know it was possible to watch an exhilaratingly misbegotten Moby-Dick adaptation, in which Rocky Horror Picture Show star Barry Bostwick delivers amaaazingly poor dialogue as a nuclear-era Captain Ahab, with a look on his face like his butt is trying to do long division? And Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess plays Dr. Michelle Herman, a scientist who’s just invented a whale song generator?

It is possible. It is here. You are welcome.

That truly is the “Target is… destroyed. I think you got Moby Dick, sir!” heard round the world.

Ok, one more clip?

“He has to breathe — he’s a damn mammal!”

I love this. This is the Moby-Dick adaptation our ancestors could only dream of. That CGI whale deserves an Oscar. Everything about this Moby-Dick adaptation deserves an Oscar. In conclusion, my advice to you at this strange and terrible time is to open your heart to 2010: Moby Dick, and live joyfully.



Ian Dreiblatt is the director of digital media at Melville House.