January 24, 2018

Alex Jones’s book proposal is the most Alex Jones of all book proposals

by

Alex Jones, a turd.

We in the book business have long since struck an uneasy peace with the breathless and lofty language of the sales pitch. We edit world-class literary prose all day, then we leap into the purple, promise-’em-everything register of marketing copy when it’s time to, ahem, sell it. This is sometimes a drag, but always a necessity.

It is, apparently, not so tough for Alex Jones to write in this mode, if his currently-being-shopped-around book proposal is any indication. Perhaps this is unsurprising, given that Jones’s entire existence—as the host of InfoWars and dubiously-honored world’s leading conspiracy theorist—is a raving, chest-thumping bid for attention. All the same, the proposal for “The Secret History of the Modern World & the War for the Future” is currently setting a new bar for the form.

CNN’s Oliver Darcy has reported on the project, and, thankfully, included some quotes for delectation. A choice bit of the pitch reads:

“The chapters here will uncover it all. They will be like the moment you first discovered sex or the Internet or quantum physics,” it says. “You will never look at your life or your world the same way again.”

Whoa, slow down there, Jonesy! I kind of like the way I see the world. And these are some awfully weird, vague promises.

The United Talent Agency has also asked Jones to slow his roll a bit. As Darcy reports, Marc Gerald, the agent at UTA who represents Jones, sent the proposal around town without first getting the green light from some necessary decision-makers at the agency, who are understandably hesitant to partner up with the hate and fear mongering host. And even if it were submitted legitimately, would any publisher buy it? As Darcy speculates:

It’s not clear whether any publishers will actually want to acquire the book, two industry insiders told CNN, as any company that would choose to publish the book would likely face an immense backlash because of the number of inflammatory claims and comments Jones has made over the years. Jones has contended that the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax and said the US government was behind the September 11 terror attacks.

The proposed book, which is to be co-authored by Neil Strauss, author of The Game (a book on pick-up artistry), promises to cover topics like the entertainment industry’s efforts to enslave us, the food industry’s efforts to kill us, and the technocratic elite’s efforts to render humans obsolete.

As the pitch sagely asks, “Who doesn’t want to read some of the greatest conspiracy theories of all time — and then be shocked by the annotations to find out that… they’re all true.”

Just about all of us, I think. And coincidentally, that’s a group—all of us—to whom I’d like to pitch a much better, deeply researched, and socially conscious book about what’s behind it all.

 

 

Ryan Harrington is an editor at Melville House.

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