Jessica Lange’s new children’s book
by Nick Davies
Publishers Weekly reported last week that actress Jessica Lange has written a children’s book, It’s About a Little Bird, that will be published by Jabberwocky, an imprint of Chicago-based publisher Sourcebooks. It sounds like a charming story of two little girls who come across an antique birdcage in their grandmother’s barn, illustrated with Lange’s own photos.
Lange, of course, isn’t always known for the most kid-friendly roles, particularly thanks to her recent stint on American Horror Story. Below, you’ll find a slideshow of what some children’s books would look if they were written by a few of the more famous characters she’s played.
Big Edie Beale – Grey Gardens
The book: Robbie Raccoon Visits Grey Gardens
The premise: Robbie Raccoon lives on Long Island and has always been able to get by living off the considerable scraps of food thrown away by the well-to-do residents of the Hamptons; but it’s not always easy for a raccoon in an affluent neighborhood, where he’s considered a pest of the first order. So imagine his delight when one day, he finds a house that not only offers easy access due to its dilapidation, but a warm welcome from its human residents! A touching tale of inter-species cooperation and the budding friendship between the Beales, Robbie Raccoon, and his enormous family that quickly takes up residence in the attic of Grey Gardens.
Blance DuBois – A Streetcar Named Desire
The book: A Day at Belle Reve
The premise: Blanche takes the reader for a tour around her family home. Acknowledging but glossing over imagined questions from her guests such as “Who was that man at the gate shouting something about ‘mortgage?’” and “Isn’t that your husband holding hands with the handsome gardener?”, she keeps her focus on the beauty of the estate itself. The book ends with Blanche offering a teaser for the sequel, about what’s sure to be a charming trip to visit her sister in New Orleans.
Julie Nichols – Tootsie
The book: My Lady Friend Is a Gentleman!
The premise: As in the movie, Julie is shocked by the revelation that her friend Dorothy Michaels is actually a man. Initially stung by the betrayal by a close friend, Julie talks out her feelings with Dorothy, and the pair decide to host a cross-dressing costume party for their friends, realizing that what a person wears doesn’t make a person what they are—it’s what’s on the inside that counts.
Constance Langdon – American Horror Story
The book: It’s OK to Be the Antichrist
The premise: The first in a trilogy of American Horror Story books by Lange’s various characters. Constance’s grandson is sad because kids at school have been teasing him for being the embodiment of pure evil on earth. Ever the doting mother, she explains that people come in all shapes and sizes, and there’s no need to apologize for who he is. She recited a poem to him, part of which reads, “It’s OK to be a fireman / It’s OK to be a troll / It’s OK to be the Antichrist / It’s OK to have no soul.” Ends with a big hug.
Sister Jude/Judy Martin – American Horror Story: Asylum
The book: The Name Game
The premise: In a scene straight from the TV show, Sister Jude teaches the patients of Briarcliff Mental Institution the hit 1964 song “The Name Game.” Packaged with a CD, a Pepper doll, and a reversible Sister Jude/Judy Martin doll.
Fiona Goode – American Horror Story: Coven
The book: Which Witch Is Which?
The premise: The latest installment of American Horror Story hasn’t aired yet, but we do know that it will focus on witches and feature Lange as a Supreme witch. This book teaches readers the differences between the various kinds of witches, using Fiona’s students and historical figures as examples. The voodoo witch, the telekinetic witch, the fortune teller—which witch is YOUR favorite?
Nick Davies is a publicist at Melville House.